For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
