Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
