There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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