I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
