I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
