So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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