you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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