did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
