so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
