You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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