I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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