Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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