so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
