I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
