I could have mohawked her pubes.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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