oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
only if we run a train.
done.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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