you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
