Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
