I think I am morally bankrupt
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
