drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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