I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
