it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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