the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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