So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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