Are we in a gay sports bar?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
