call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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