I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
