chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
