You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
