theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
