tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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