Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
