whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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