woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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