My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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