there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
