This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
