my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
worst night to have a conscience
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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