You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
