I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
