She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
