As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
