You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
