don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
