Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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