i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
