That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
