Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We don't watch enough power rangers
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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