you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
