i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
