Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
