just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
40s are totally the cure
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
