It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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