I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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